Learning to Observe Emotions

As an observer of the mind it continues to fascinate me, the thoughts we think. Even more so I am intrigued by my feelings and the thoughts they provoke. This is the roller coaster of the mind.

Watching the often tremulous pairing of emotion and the mind can be excruciating. The mind tries to make sense of it all while the release of hormones continues to flow. There is no sense to be made, at the end. There is thought, and feeling, and sensation, appearing now.

Today I got some news. Logically, it was fairly neutral. Numbers, really, on a page. In the end these numbers do not affect me in the moment. My mind took this information and carried it into story where within mere minutes I was cascading down a spiral of shame. "You should have done better."

This thinking gets me nowhere and yet it occurs. How do I get it to stop? It may never cease. I can watch it and hold it tenderly. I can see all its shapes and edges. I can also see that it isn't true.

This. Is. Not. True.
The thought is false.

I cried a bit, allowing the release of those feelings. Along with my tears I shed the shame. I forgive my past self and pay attention to what's happening in this moment. I will never stop having feelings. I will sink into them, feel them burrow deeper, and sense them lifting.

This is the practice.